We are a bizarre nation, at best. We have people like Rakhi Sawant dressed as a green chilli running for elections, our television viewing consists of shows where ‘super’ cops are seen battling prehistoric dinosaurs, and we have Sonam Kapoor, you know what I mean? Our tryst with the weird, wonderful and slightly neurotic transcends into every facet of our existence, including our consumer durables. Here is our list of 10 bizarre things you will find in your local supermarket. This unbelievable festive offer I’m popping the cork on that Moët & Chandon bottle I’ve been saving, because this special festive offer takes the bloody bakery. *faints with excitement* This check-mate of a snack. Yep, just bought myself a pack of chess ball. Your move. These condoms for people with acquired ‘tastes’ Planning a night of sweet, sweet lovin’? No need to bust out those scented candles that you paid too much for at Trésorie, to set the mood. Bangkok Nights ‘raat raani’ scented condoms (that’s right) will get the job done. Yep, nothing gets us ladies into the mood more than when your trouser trout smells like potpourri. And if you’re lady love needs a little liquid courage, what’s better than the ‘scotch whiskey’ flavour? I’m not sure many chicks dig scotch-whiskey, Mr. Jhaverian. You might want to release a fifth flavour – Roofie Colada. Oh, and I read that last one as ‘muesli’. You know, like for the health-conscious lover. My bad, but do you really blame me? This ‘special’ promise for a breath of confidence. This nail-care regime that’s got swag. I got 99 problems, but chipped nail polish ain’t one. Umm-hummm! *finger snap* This profane fabric softener. 112...that's just about how many any self-respecting person would give. This cautionary tale. Beware kids, if you smoke or chew tobacco, you WILL turn into a scorpion. Then don’t say that the health department didn’t warn you. Sorry but... Ew. This piece of nostalgia. With the phone company on life support, at least these agarbattis will be a gentle reminder of the days when BBM was the boss. And this cheeky advertisement for Water Kingdom. I want to meet the agency that pitched this tagline to the client. And nailed it. No pun intended.