#OMGLOLWTF: 20 Reasons Why Mumbai Is Likely To Have #100CrappyDays

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Happiness is seriously overrated. No great piece of art was born out of being deliriously happy. Take Romeo & Juliet for instance, would anyone have given a crap about their romance if they hadn’t offed themselves? Or would Van Gogh have created history for his paintings if he hadn’t hacked off his own ear? Or would Ranbir Kapoor’s character ‘Jordan’ in Rockstar have been able to fake-headbang and lip-sync to an International audience (who obviously had no idea what the hell he was singing about, because he was singing in Hindi), if Nargis Duck-ri hadn’t dumped his ass? Probably not.

Having said that, this whole #100HappyDays nonsense seems to have infected even the most grim-spirited, dark-cloud loving souls. But can the city of Mumbai truly have #100HappyDays? I think not. Here are 20 reasons why Mumbai is likely to have #100CrappyDays instead:

1. The ‘much-awaited’ third installment of this film is ‘cumming soon’

I Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
I Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts, Image Courtesy – http://4.bp.blogspot.com

Yeah, just in case you were wondering, that is a poster featuring Riteish Deshmukh and Sideshow Bob lusting after a pair of coconuts.

2. This ever-hopeful bar in Chembur

Hit the Gspot
Hit the Gspot, Image Courtesy – www.facebook.com

If you had no idea where it was, now you do.

3. This portal to another dimension

The Lion, the Ditch and the Wardrobe
The Lion, the Ditch and the Wardrobe, Image Courtesy – http://www.ndtv.com

If C.S Lewis had written a book about this, it would have been titled ‘The Lion, the Ditch and the Wardrobe’.

4. This most-unfortunate way to start the day, now spotted at Colaba Causeway

Worst Alarm Clock Ever. Like Ever.
Worst Alarm Clock Ever. Like Ever, Image Courtesy – http://www.amazon.com

‘Coz you will wake every morning, to the best song ever
I think it went oh, oh, oh,
I think it went yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it goes ohhhhhhhhhh
*uses said alarm clock to bludgeon skull*

5. This fashion icon

Linking Road Ka Lakshman
Linking Road Ka Lakshman, Image Courtesy – http://www.india-forums.com

Who has recently returned from a field trip to Linking Road.

6. And this one

Liza
Liza, Image Courtesy – http://static.ibnlive.in.com

…who is seen here channelling Liza Minnelli.

7. These smooth moves 

Ankiyon Se Goli Maare
Ankiyon Se Goli Maare, Image Courtesy – http://photogallery.indiatimes.com/

Over here, you will see KRK in the process of making a very interesting boobservation.

PS: Yes, I am aware that KRK features twice on this list. Why? Because he’s KRK. And more importantly, because he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Not for the next 100 days at least.

8. This terrifying villain from ‘Supercops vs. Supervillains…Shapath’

Video Vicky Killed Radio Raju
Video Vicky Killed Radio Raju, Image Courtesy – http://media.startv.in

Everybody meet Video Vicky. Video Vicky, everybody. Video Vicky “kidnaps children by hypnotizing them with a tune”.  He is like a diabolical Kenny G with an Xbox Controller for a helmet. ‘Nuff said.

9. This genius idea

#monumentalfail
#monumentalfail, Image Courtesy- http://ibnlive.in.com

Mumbai to Gujarat: “Aye see, my statue is bigger than your statue” *blows a raspberry*

10. Him 

Dementor Dhoble
Dementor Dhoble, Image Courtesy http://lite.epaper.timesofindia.com &Team Mumbai Mag

11. The new cast of this show 

Quack-a-lackin
Quack-a-lackin, Image Courtesy – http://4.bp.blogspot.com & Team Mumbai Mag

And, not a single duck was given that day.

12. This ‘junglee’ music video

Wanna Be Free Like a Junglee
Wanna Be Free Like a Junglee, Image Courtesy – http://www.amritbains.com

Watch it NOW. Thank me later. Word on the street is that Amrit Bains might be touring India soon. Statutory warning: This video might make you “smile and laugh like a bright sunshine”.

13. This helpful piece of advice from our police force 

Blow Slow
Blow Slow, Image Courtesy – www.facebook.com

Advice for smooth traffic, advice for smooth life also.

14. This electrical appliances store in Andheri East

Poonani Brothers
Poonani Brothers, Image Courtesy – www.facebook.com

Just got myself a mixie from Poonani bros. (You see what I did there?)

15. This butt-fuckery… 

Ginormous Butt-fuckery
Ginormous Butt-fuckery, Image Courtesy – www.mid-day.com

..that will continue for another 11 months (which, in MMRDA terminology, means until Michael Jackson is defrosted from his cryogenic tomb.)

16. The worst bike ride in the history of bike rides…

Wheee!
Wheee!, Image Courtesy – http://datastore02.rediff.com

…and a possible sequel featuring these two bumbling nincompoops.
PS: Is Abhishake Bachpan rocking duckface back there on that pillion seat?

17. This Human Rights issue 

Saifu Gets a Hernia
Saifu Gets a Hernia, Image Courtesy – http://hamaraphotos.com

Because lifting heavy weights can sometimes be injurious to health.

18. This ticking time bomb… 

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife
Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, Image Courtesy – http://businessofcinema.com

Ah yes, but will it be ‘hotterrrr than the traaapixx’?

19. This terrifying headline…

Voldemort's Last Horcrux
Voldemort’s Last Horcrux, Image Courtesy – http://www.mumbaimirror.com

 Never. Taking. A. Shit. Again.

20. And this curious case of mistaken identity 

Baap ka Baap
Baap ka Baap, Image Courtesy – http://image6.buzzintown.com

Vicky Baba Say Relax.

Post By Amanda Ferrao (25 Posts)

Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.

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Amanda Ferrao

Amanda Ferrao
Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.
  • damn….WTF….I just shuddered reading that Mulund story…. like literally its a crappy day from the shithole.

  • SMariseP

    I agree about the snake in the toilet thing.. :0