LOL WUT? What Lurks Within The ‘Other’ Folder In Your Facebook Messages

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Hello, Stalker!

Facebook had over 1.23 billion monthly active users by the end of 2013. More than half of them are creepy Facebook stalkers. And if you’re a girl, chances are you’ve had your fair share of these. Don’t get me wrong, I too resort to the occasional Facebook stalking here and there, to check up on an ex-boyfriend, or the current girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend or the potential girlfriend/boyfriend of a friend. Ok yeah, so I Facebook stalk pretty often, but I do it under the cover of darkness and not with the intention of ‘making fraandship’ with anyone. Does that make me better, somehow? I don’t know, but I’m optimistic.

Back in the day, when ‘interested parties’ (let’s refer to them like this for the extent of this post) wanted to connect with you, they had to ‘Poke’ you (a very disconcerting thought), send you a friend request and/or send you a personal message which would pop up in your Facebook messages folder. But now, when an unknown ‘interested party’ sends you a Facebook message, it transfers itself to your ‘Other’ folder.

The ‘Other’ Facebook folder is like the schizophrenic poop-flinging offspring in an Alfred Hitchcock film that is chained to the basement, and that no one wants the world to know exists. If you haven’t already, please do take a peeksie at your ‘Other’ folder, just for shits and giggles. If you’re a guy, you’ll probably come across a lot of spam, but if you are a girl, you’re sure to find some very interesting messages waiting for you. With a help of a few friends, I’ve narrowed down the best-of-the-best, most original pleas for fraandship that were found in our ‘Other’ folder, lurkin’ like a gherkin.

The Total-‘Bummer’ Approach

totalbummer
totalbummer

Hiya buddy! Now how about you just ‘bum’ yourself back out of my profile?

The ‘Carly Rae Jepsen’ Approach

Carlyrarjepsen
Carlyrarjepsen

Hey creepy douchebag, you think you’re Patrick Swayze
But my money on the fact that, you look like Martin Scorsese.

Desperado Approach

Desperado 2
Desperado 1
desperado1
desperado1

If I haven’t replied the first time, the chances dwindle with every new message of yours, homeboy. And WTF is ‘happy monsoon weekend?’ What’re you, a weathervane?

The ‘Two-Birds-One-Stone’ Approach
twobirds

Happy Diwali to you too. And no.

The ‘I-Only-Want-To-Be-Your-Best-Friend’ Approach
bestfriend

Of course I won’t “go on” the picture of you wearing sunglasses indoors, why would I? Nope, nope, you seem like a really nice guy. And especially because you are “good frndz of many…but best frnd of a very few” I believe AND I accept! Keep ‘em crossed, because I’m almost sold!

The ‘Say-Hello-To-The-Voices-In-My-Head’ Approach
voices

I think I’ll leave you two alone now…

The ‘I-Am-Misunderstood-But-I-Have-Good-Intentions-Only’ Approach
misunderstood1
Nawwww! Why would anyone, ANYONE report you? BHUTT WHAYYYYY???

misundersood2

I do mind, I don’t want to check your profile and I sure as shit aint gonna message you.
Take care…!!
🙂 🙂

The ‘Easy-Sleazy-Lemon-Squeezy’ Approach
sleazy

No. Just. No.

The ‘Ill-Floor-Her-with-Illegibility’ Approach
saywaa

Umm, what? 
saywaa2

Umm, what²?

The ‘Flattery-Will-Get-Me-Everywhere’ Approach
flattery

Thanks man. Still don’t want to ‘make friendship’ with you.

The ‘Aw-Hell-No’
awhellno

H()w @bout wĕ kĕĕp the |\/|ystĕry up, huh? And how the hell do you know about my cat??

The ‘What-Are-Your-Hobbies’ Approach
hobbies

You like UK Drum and Bass
I like using mace
Let’s call the whole thing off

The Entrepreneurial Approach
entrepreneur

Just what kind of ‘herbs’ are we talking about, hmmmm?

The ‘Philosophical’ Approach

philosopher
philosopher

Hie! I see your attempt at philosophy, and I raise it!

“To know, is to know that you know nothing (Jon Snow).
That is the meaning of true knowledge”
– Socrates

The ‘Keanu-Reeves’ Approach

keanu
keanu

A walk? Like a virtual walk? Like in the clouds?

The ‘Remedy-Seeking’ Approach
remedyseeker

I don’t know, bro. Maybe try a Rablet or something.

Post By Amanda Ferrao (25 Posts)

Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.

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Amanda Ferrao

Amanda Ferrao
Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.
  • agh Amanda, in few picture, you should have removed the address bar too 🙂 anyway its hilarious!

    • Amanda Ferrao

      Thanks for the headsup, Jishnu. I have amended the issue. The stalkers will henceforth be anonymous. 😀 And thanks!

      • no worries! technically stalkers should be brought to the light! use the name!

        • Amanda Ferrao

          The proverbial shit might hit the fan then!

  • Garima Sharma

    Hilarious!

  • Reena Chakalakal

    This post inspired me to check out my ‘others’ folder. It did not disappoint.
    Side note: ‘Others’ is the name used in both Lost and Game of Thrones. And it both cases it is for a group of scaries. Interesting no.

  • Nigil

    Cat woman: probably coz there are two big fat feline eyes staring right into your very soul in your cover photo.

    There, add another stalker to the list.