#OMGLOLWTF: Mumbai This Week

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Hey, Mumbai Mag-sters! Has everyone recovered well from their Holi hangovers? I for one am still reeling, not to mention the fact that I look like a member of the Omatikaya clan. In other news, spring /summer has officially set in and it’s time to watch all your bodily fluids dissipate into oblivion.  Fun fun fun! I don’t know about you, but I am seriously considering getting myself one of these babies.

Fan Hat
Fan Hat, image Courtesy – http://www.waldeneffect.org/

Anyhoo, here’s what went down in B-town this week.

Heritage Milestone Disappears, Theories On Where It Could Be

A 200-year old milestone from the British era, one among the 12 left of the 16 milestones listed in the MMRDA heritage list – has gone missing from the pavement opposite the Prabhadevi temple. In its place, a new paver-block footpath has sprung up.

There are three possibilities to explain its disappearance:

1. Xenu decided he must have this milestone to live long and prosper.

Xenu
Xenu, Image Courtesy – http://www.clevelandufo.com/ & Team Mumbai Mag

2. A bhangarwala has claimed it.

Bhangar
Bhangar, Image Courtesy – wordpress.com & Team Mumbai Mag

3. The Doozers (our BMC) have been at it and now it has probably suffered the same fate as this fire hydrant.

Hidden Hydrant
Hidden Hydrant, Image Courtesy – http://4.bp.blogspot.com/ & Team Mumbai Mag

Drunk-as-a-Skunk Holi-day Driver Says “Do Me A Favour, Let’s Play Holi’

Random Drunk Guy - Not Perp

An inebriated gentleman thought it was a great idea to get behind the wheel of a bus and ferry 25 passengers to Nashik to the soundtrack of Anu Mallik’s hit song. Ok, I made that last part up. Vijay V Pisal, a 42-year old Bhandup resident was hired by Dolphin Travels as a stand-in for their drivers who had taken off for the festival. And what does Charles-in-Charge do on the first day of his new gig? Well, he gets shitfaced, off course!

Drunky Drunkerson was seen by several witnesses in different stages of ‘passing-the-fuck-out’. Someone saw him slumped over the wheel, others saw him drunk-dialling his ex, while there were some who reported seeing him doing the ‘Balam Pitchkari’.

While I do not condone the drunk driving bit, what a ballsy move to show up on your first day of work, wasted out of your brains! Stupid, but ballsy.

DGCA Attempts to Do Their Best Dementor Impression And Suck the Fun Out Of Flying Spicejet 

Balam Pitchkari
Balam Pitchkari, Image Courtesy – akamaihd.net

The co-pilot and certain crew members of a Spicejet flight that took off from Goa on March 17 were suspended for celebrating Holi mid-air with passengers. The cabin crew members did a choreographed dance to Holi songs like ‘Balam Pichkari’ in the aisles.

Ok, I’ll be honest. Before I saw the video, I was all “what a bunch of morons. How can they compromise the safety of passengers, especially in the wake of MH370 etc.?” But let me eat my hat here. I saw the video and in my opinion, what the crew on Spicejet did, and is trying to do (which is to infuse fun back into flying) is great. There, I said it. There was NOTHING wrong with what went on in the video, except for one creepy uncle who was giving ‘come-hither’ looks to a cabin crew member who was shakin’ what her mama gave her.

There was additional crew deployed for the mid-air gig and they didn’t do anything that was out of the ordinary. They danced. Well, gee! How scandalous and unsafe! It is important to note here, that Southwest Airlines does it all the time and so do many other leading airlines all around the world. Just because the co-pilot was out of the cockpit, it doesn’t mean that the safety of the flight was being compromised. Think about it, pilots have to get out of the cockpit to take a leak, stretch their legs etc. They’re not on a time-out.

The DGCA of course, who is doing the rapping of the knuckles, is made up of a bunch of stuffed shirts sitting behind desks who have a giant stick up their posterior. Smoke a doob, DGCA and learn to let your comb-overs down. In my opinion, Spicejet’s endeavour to get everyone to have fun on a flight should be applauded and not reprimanded.

Sallu Holds His Breath and Stomps His Feet…Again

Sallu-Akki

In yet another show of ‘look ma, I’m the cools’ Salman Khan stormed off the set of the title track of Fugly, leaving producer Akshay Kumar high and dry. Why? Because broheim found out mid-way that Akshay Kumar, who also featured in the song, was being paid more attention than he was.

Salman Khan, I doubt you’re reading this, but in the odd chance that you are, this shit’s getting old, bro. Like you are. It’s not very becoming for a 48-year old man to throw a temper tantrum. You’re acting like Regina George from Mean Girls. So not ‘fetch’. Why don’t you start a ‘Burn Book’ or something and write down all your feelings? You can write bitchy things about all the people who have pissed you off. Start with Mrs. Bachchan, because everyone knows you’re still bitter about that, and whatever dick-move you are pulling today stems from that rejection. Maybe it’ll make you a better person. And who knows, at prom night, you might even get a piece of Cady’s tiara.

So that’s about it from the most original pieces of news from Mumbai this week. Check back in next week for more madness and mayhem. Stay hydrated and invest in some good sunscreen. You’re going to need it.

Post By Amanda Ferrao (25 Posts)

Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.

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Amanda Ferrao

Amanda Ferrao
Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.