Hey Mumbai Mag-sters! So the Easter weekend is finally upon us and the marzipan Easter eggs are being busted out in full force in Catholic households all over the city. Lenten partakers will finally be able to eat meat, drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes after a 40-day abstinence period. Don’t ask me what I abstained from, because the answer is nothing. I’m not too much of a religious person, but I’m a total foodie and will partake in any religious festivity, if it involves food. So there. In other news, here’s what went down in B-town this week. You are now 89 paise richer! Woot! Now you can finally have enough to buy the yellow Lamborghini you’ve had your eye on for a while, because, petrol prices in Mumbai dropped by a whopping 89 paise a litre! Now, petrol in Mumbai will cost Rs 80 a litre from as opposed to Rs 80.89. Here is some awesome stuff you can buy with what you save! Man Told To Sleep With Frog And Doll In His Bed to Get Rich An unsuspecting young lad, Nishant Kapadia from Nerul, was led a merry dance and duped out of 55 lakh rupees over a period of 9 years by a self-styled godman. In that period, Kapadia was advised to sleep with a ‘sacred’ frog in his bed, a wooden box filled with black turmeric and a cloth dolly, if he wanted money to rain down on him. The godman also managed to convince him that his apartment in Matunga had some bad juju, which he then sold and moved to Nerul. It was only after close to a decade, and Rs.55 lakh later, that Kapadia realised that he was being hoodwinked by the diabolical Indian Whoopi Goldberg, and he demanded that his money be returned. To which, Indian Whoopi threatened him in the only way he knew how, by cursing his family to death-by-blood-vomiting. What I want to know is, what finally gave it away? At what point did that realisation dawn upon him? What was his ‘Eureka’ moment and the last straw in a seemingly embarrassing decade. I really hope it was when he was told to shack up with Kermit. I really hope so. Ladies, Abu Azmi Will Arrest You If Your Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard First it was Mulayam Singh Yadav’s twat-like comment about how “boys will make mistakes like rape”, and then Abu Azmi decided to join in, with his own two cents worth, by saying that women who have sex should be hanged. According to Azmi, when it comes to rape, “even the woman is guilty.” He talks about consensual sex saying that, “No parents in our Indian culture would agree if their daughter goes out with another man, and indulges in something wrong.” Right. But your party member Mr. Shit-For-Brains Yadav thinks it’s acceptable for ‘cultured Indian boys’ to go around raping women, and then saying “sorry, galti ho gaya”. Hey Mulayam, aren’t they short-staffed at your tabela? I’m sure if Mulayam and Azmi both see this... ...they will feel that shy is coming! And to think that people like these are the ones who might come into power. *shudder* Merwan and Co Finally Bids the City Goodbye I’m choking up right now as I write this, because the B Merwan and Co, the century-old Irani cafe has finally shut shop. Merwan’s has had such a prolific history, its food has touched so many hearts, filled so many stomachs, been easy on so many purses, and its ambience has been the setting for the beginnings of so many stories. I still remember stopping off on my way to collge for a quick bun-maska or a decadent mawa puff. Now we’ll only have memories of this. And this. And this. Oh my god, and this! One of the owners, Sarosh Irani claimed that they were only “shutting down for repairs.” This is a promising thought. Maybe, they are adopting the same tactic that the Parsi restaurant Britannia & Company pulled off a few years ago, by claiming that they were shutting down. The news spread like wildfire and berry-pulao-loving Mumbaikars from all over clawed each other’s eyes out for a table, just to get one last bite of their iconic dhansak and mutton cutlets. Today, Britannia & Co. is alive and kicking. Let’s hope Merwans will be too. So that’s about it from the most original pieces of news from Mumbai this week. Check back in next week for more madness and mayhem. Happy Easter everybody!