#OMGLOLWTF: Mumbai This Week

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Hey, Mumbai Mag-sters. This is your weekly guide to the most news-worthy happenings in the city. From the weird to the whacky, from the WTF to the LOL, and a little of OMFG thrown in there for good measure - we’ve got it all. Ready? OK! Here's a little somethin-somethin about what went down in B-town this week. Mumbai Cops: “Hey, Let’s Go All Sivamani On This Protest!”
Beat it
Beat it, Image Courtesy - Mid-day.com
The cops of Mumbai city have no reservations when it comes to kicking the shit out of people who ask for reservations. That is exactly the scene that ensued this Wednesday, when the Platoons of the State Reserve Police apparently resorted to a “mild lathi” charge when protestors from the Lahuji Shakti Sena staged a rasta roka opposite Mantralaya. I’m not sure what their definition of mild is, considering I saw a picture in the newspaper of a woman with her front teeth knocked in. Poor thing went home looking like a Canadian goalie. The protestors were from the Mathang community, and had organised a protest at Azad Maidan to demand job reservations and the erection of a statue of freedom fighter Lahuji Salve in the Vidhan Bhavan. Yes, a statue. That’s what they were demanding. What is this new obsession India seems to be having about statues? What good can come of the erection of a statue? I mean other than pigeons getting one more target to shit-bomb. Two things need to be amended from this event:
  1. Mumbai cops need to be sent to Yoga House to learn to calm the fuck down.
  2. People need to start making more realistic and tangible demands from the government that can benefit everyone, like, I don’t know, a greenhouse for Mary Jane.
Look Where YOUR Tax Rupees Are Going!
Doozer
Doozer, Image Courtesy - Mid-Day.com
“Less than a week after passing proposals worth Rs 1,000 crore, the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) Standing Committee on Wednesday passed 68 proposals totalling Rs 1,800 crore in just 90 minutes.” So basically, in a little more than the time it takes to watch a Game of Thrones episode, the BMC decided to allot 1,800 crore of our tax money towards “proposals for important civic works.” What are these proposals, you ask? Oh just the usual, cleaning of storm water drains and roads, maybe erecting a statue here and there. No big deal. So does that mean I won’t be needing my inflatable raft this year, BMC? Tell no! The Standing Committee chairman said that the proposals were for the city's infrastructure, which included repair and maintenance. What he of course meant, was that 2 days before the heaviest rain shower, some genius will decide to dig like a Doozer (Fraggle Rock reference FTW!), create major a crater the size of Manhattan on the highway and then give us the finger as they float away on a barge. 6-ft Cobra Chillin Like a Villain In Mulund Pooper
Nagini
Nagini, Image Courtesy - www.mumbaimirror.com
  Calm down people. Voldemort’s final Horcrux has been found. And it’s hiding inside a shitter in Mulund. When an unsuspecting member of a Mulund family went to answer nature’s call, nature decided to hit the redial button. In the form of a 6-foot cobra. For this terrified family, shit just got real (literally and figuratively). Snake rescuers spent about 2 hours trying to nab the serpentine outlaw, which had crawled up through the sewer pipes. After reading this story, you know what else crawled up the sewer pipes? My dinner. ‘Alia is the Meryl Streep of India’
You mad bro?
You mad bro?, Image Courtesy - http://media2.intoday.in/
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL! When asked what Rahul Bhatt thought of his stepsister Alia Bhatt's acting career, he replied that she is the Meryl Streep of India. Now, I really don’t know what Rahul Bhatt has been smoking, but I sure as hell want some of that! If he can sit through a performance of his nasal sister (SOTY) and come away with the deduction that she is the Meryl Streep of India, then I think his whey protein has started to affect his basic cognitive functions. Ok, in all fairness I haven’t seen Highway yet, and she might have done a good job and blah blah, but, but but, Meryl Streep?!?! COME ON! That’s like saying Poonam Pandey is the Hilary Clinton of India - reckless and unnecessary. So that’s about it from the most original pieces of news from Mumbai this week. Check back every Saturday for more madness and mayhem. In the meantime, have a belligerent weekend! I know I will.

Amanda Ferrao

Amanda Ferrao
Escaped the big bad world of advertising after being held hostage for 10 years. Consecutively developed Stockholm Syndrome and guiltily tries to justify its awesomeness. Sarcasm-enthusiast. Recovering online shopping addict. Self-proclaimed crazy cat lady. Will write for shoes.