Hey, Mumbai Mag-sters! Mumbai is slowly turning into a blazing inferno and there’s not much we can do about it. And the heat seems to be getting to everyone. A Mumbai Mirror photographer was attacked in an incident of road rage and another 50-year old man was beaten up and kidnapped for asking the driver of an SUV to move his car ahead, so pedestrians had space to walk. Not a very promising start to the week. But in other news, here’s what went down in B-town this week. The Green Goblin Joins Politics It’s time to ‘hide yo kids, hide yo wife’, because Spiderman’s arch-rival and nemesis is here. And she (and her sweaty armpits) is going to be in politics! Yes folks. This is indeed happening. The Apocalypse is upon us. Rakhi Sawant is going to be contesting the Lok Sabha elections from the Mumbai North-West constituency. Jejus! Her cause? Restoring women's safety. Mika Sigh and his liver lips better watch out because Ms. Sawant, now armed with self-defence skills, is on the prowl. And she’s coming to get you. PS: Is it just me, or does she look like Subhash Chandra Bose in that poster? Everyday You’re Scufflin’ The next time you find yourself about to board a Mumbai local train, you might not have to fear for your life and double check whether you have written your Will out or not. In an attempt to do away with the erstwhile Cro-Magnon manner of boarding a train, which resembled an unromantic version of the iconic DDLJ scene, these ladies from Bhayander decided to show us how it’s done. By making a queue. Forgive me for being skeptical about this, but I have been traveling by the Roach Coach for about 15 years now. I know the drill. The local train is no place for niceties and politeness. It’s every (wo)man for themselves. The weak get weeded out and the polite get bitch-slapped. Don’t even get me started on trying to get a seat. It’s like a battle for the Iron Throne. A daily woman commuter said, “This disciplined way helps us a lot to travel safely and peacefully. Now we can get seats on first cum first basis without any trouble or scuffle.” Well, I hate to burst your bubble, sister, because soon you're tune’s about to change to ‘Everyday I’m Scufflin”. No Pants for Datta Phuge, Thanks to Mumbai Customs Ever heard that saying that there is a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow? Well our Customs officials at the Mumbai Airport seem to have found it, all 18kgs of it. The booty, worth a mammoth Rs. 4.96 crores included gold biscuits, chains, kadas and bangles and was being smuggled into the country through 4 separate incidents, all intercepted in a single night. Poor Datta Phuge. He was really hoping to have a matching pair of pants to go with that shirt. Damn you, Mumbai Customs. You have deprived us of that magnificent optical marvel. Damn you. Want That Dream Wedding in Maui? This Guy Shows You How It’s Done Now you can turn your dream wedding into a reality. And all it takes is a little grand larceny. Groom-to-be Shatrudhan Naval Sharma (22) was nabbed from his mandap on the eve of his wedding for robbing diamond jewellery worth Rs 14 lakh and Rs 10,000 in cash from a train. He used his spoils to a sofa-cum-bed, a refrigerator, a cupboard, a TV set, a table and some jewellery. Most practical thief ever. I mean, why be frivolous and go on that honeymoon to the Phi Phi Islands, when you can have a sofa-cum-bed? Full marks, Shatrudhan, full marks. So that’s about it from the most original pieces of news from Mumbai this week. Check back in next week for more madness and mayhem. And if you see Rakhi Sawant campaigning on the streets dressed as either the Green Goblin/Subhash Chandra Bose, don’t forget to flash her the Third Reich salute.